Isaiah 56:6-8
Don't limit your anointing to what you think you can do.
I'm coming from a pretty broken place right now. But a place where I never stop knowing God is good. I had a conversation with an old friend the other day who described this mind-set as being brainwashed. Brainwashed with hope? I wish everyone could be so, although to use the word 'blessed', I think, is more appropriate. Hope is never a negative thing - and I'm not sure brainwashing can ever be a positive thing!
I've been crying out to God. This morning I sat down and quoted Himself back to Him; just said to Him - 'God, it says in Your Word that when your children call out, You will answer. I'm Your child, and I'm calling out...'
Without fail, He answered.
He showed me passages in the Bible where people had gotten themselves into tricky situations because of their own stupidity, and passages where these people were treated unfairly and God got angry on their behalf. He then brought me to a specific passage, quoted at the top of this page, which spoke directly and specifically to me.
Looking back on this blog, and how I've not been here since before Manchester, brings me back to a time in my life that was COMPLETELY different to where I am now. God has brought me through so much, directed my paths, just like He promised, and I know He will continue to do this. I found friends in Manchester which I had been both scared of and craving for a very long time. I loved it being the norm to talk to God as though He was there in the room - 'cause He was! I loved being surrounded by great teaching, God-centred people, and... God 24/7. There were tough times, but last year was a year of training, and how do you train without being out of your comfort zone? I changed so much last year; learned so much - and now I'm home.
Just as leaving for Manchester scared the absolute living daylights out of me, coming home did the same thing. I didn't expect to ever come back, but God birthed On the Edge and a theatre company was born for the glory of God - apparently to be based in Northern Ireland. Who's to head that up? Oh, that'd be me then...
And Georgia. She took the step and moved over from Manchester to here. We got a lovely wee apartment and God is taking care of us alright. We've had our ups and downs, and God has blessed our friendship in the most fantastic ways. There is a running joke of us eventually settling down together with our cats and cheesy family portraits, but we feel God may have other plans for us!
It's been even crazier than Manchester. God has taken us both on a rollercoaster from basic training to the next level of preparation, and it has not in ANY way been easy. Coming back here was the last thing on my mind, and the fact that I'm home again is still hard for me to take in sometimes. I left here with barely any close Christian friends and in Manchester I found them. It was hard to leave and, though I'm so happy to get home and see everyone again, I miss the support network we had going on. As soon as I landed, I knew I was meant to be there - the people I now call some of my best friends took me in and I felt at home, like I'd been there for years. It's been fantastic having Georgia and I have met some beautiful people in church since I've been home, but I still find myself struggling at times. I don't know whether it's that I missed Manchester, or the fact that I know I've never fitted in at church here and something in my head is making me think that will always be the case, but there's some sort of spiritual battle going on. I've done some stupid things since I returned home, but God has also done some amazing things with and through me, and THOSE are the things I choose to concentrate on. At church last night Pastor John said, 'Failure is not a person, it's an event.' I am not a failure; I am a child of the King and that is who I choose to live as. God promised me 'joy in (His) house of prayer', and all I need to do to receive that is keep pressing in to Him.
I don't know if anyone will read this, but that is surely not why I am writing. I'm writing for honesty, for memories, to commemorate where God has picked me up from and to be able to look back here in the future and contemplate the same thing.
Praise You that I'm not where I used to be, and praise You that You've not given up on me!
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